The First of Many.

Wow so I finally did it!

I entered the crazy world of blogging. I first anticipated on writing in a journal each and every night; but let's be honest here! I usually log straight onto the internet if something is bothering me... and try to find a solution on 'Google' or the like. Sad I know, but sometimes i struggle to talk to people about how I really feel. I get pretty damn self destructive too when I bottle up my feelings! So alas, I'm trying something new. Something new when I should be studying for a huge practical test worth 60% that I have tomorrow at 9am. Geez, timing hey?!

Well... I promised myself I would not go on the computer today... but I have not been feeling rather great lately. Mixture of anxiety/stress/nervousness and general unwellness!!! This is making me even more sick when I start stressing about it!!! I can't explain it... Lately i've hardly been able to eat anything without it going straight through me - ugh; sorry readers!

Getting off that topic onto a new topic that semi relates to writing my feelings down. A few months back after my boyfriend and I went through some 'troubles' (you can hardly call it that!), I wrote him a list of things that I want to achieve or things that I want to do to feel better about myself - ie.; only drinking alcohol to a comfortable level... Stuff like that which is actually achievable! Anyway, he put it away in a safe place and always brings it up because he truly believes that I have improved in myself since then!

Mmmm... well it's edging toward 3:00pm - a time when I should be in my last lecture at Uni. But, as I said, my general well-being has been shocking lately, I feel so so uncomfortable sitting in lecture rooms for 2 hours at the moment. I get claustrophobic, my palms go sweaty, my heart beats a million times a minute.... I'm praying to God that I'll get through my exam tomorrow, that these stupid tablets i found in the pantry work and that writing my feelings down in this blog will benefit me!